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Posts Tagged ‘JIMMY KIMMEL’

A CHOICE OF MORALITIES

In Bureaucracy, Entertainment, History, Humor, Politics, Social commentary on May 3, 2018 at 12:09 am

Call it a case of dueling offensives.

One took place at the White House Correspondents Dinner at the Washington Hilton Hotel in Washington, D.C.

The other occurred in a political rally at Washington Township, in Washington, Michigan.

One starred a female comedian known for obscenity-laced humor.

The other starred a President known for brutal, coarse speech.

What both events had in common: Both featured speakers guaranteed to arouse highly partisan emotions.

The comedian, Michelle Wolf, cracked a joke:Of course, Trump isn’t here, if you haven’t noticed.  And I know, I would drag him here myself. But it turns out the president of the United States is the one pussy you’re not allowed to grab. He said it first. Yeah, he did. Do you remember? Good.”

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Michelle Wolf

The President, Donald Trump, had previously made a similar remark: “You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

Michelle Wolf:Now, I know people really want me to go after Trump tonight, but I think we should give the president credit when he deserves it. Like, he pulled out the Paris agreement, and I think he should get credit for that because he said he was going to pull out and then he did. And that’s a refreshing quality in a man.”

Donald Trump: “The Democrats don’t care about our military. They don’t. They don’t care about our borders or crime.” 

[This is patently untrue. Democrats routinely vote for increasing the military budget.]

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Donald Trump

Wolf: Trump is racist, though. He loves white nationalists, which is a weird term for a Nazi. Calling a Nazi a white nationalist is like calling a pedophile a kid friend or Harvey Weinstein a ladies’ man.”

Trump: “They were saying, ‘What you think President Trump had to do with it?’ I will do you what. How about, everything?”

[Trump is claiming he deserved credit for making possible the April 27  meeting between the leaders of North and South Korea. His only “contribution”: Threatening North Korea with the “fire and fury of nuclear war.]

Wolf: Mike Pence is the kind of guy that brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks, ‘Mmm.’ Mike Pence is also very anti-choice. He thinks abortion is murder, which, first of all, don’t knock it till you try it. And when you do try it, really knock it. You know, you got to get that baby out of there.”

Trump: “I know things about the senator I can say, too. If I said them, he would never be elected again.”

[Trump is insinuating he has “dirt” on Montana United States Senator Jon Tester, who opposed the nomination of White House physician Ronny Jackson as Secretary of Veterans Affairs.

[For the record: Trump also claimed to have proof that President Barack Obama was not a United States citizen—a claim he was forced to retract. He also claimed that Obama had illegally wiretapped him during the 2016 Presidential campaign—another charge for which he offered no proof.]

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Barack Obama

Wolf: And, yes, sure, you can groan all you want. I know a lot of you are very antiabortion. You know, unless it’s the one you got for your secret mistress. It’s fun how values can waiver. But good for you.”

Trump: “A woman lawyer, she said, ‘I know nothing.’ Now, she supposedly — you know why? Putin and the group said, ‘Trump is killing us. Why don’t you say you are involved with government so that we can go and make their life in the United States even more chaotic?'”

[Trump is making light of a documented meeting in Trump Tower in June, 2016, starring his son, Donald, Jr., his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, and his campaign manager, Paul Manafort—and several Russian Intelligence agents who offered to provide “dirt” on Hillary Clinton, in exchange for—what?]

Wolf: Which, of course, brings me to the Me Too movement; it’s probably the reason I’m here. They were like, ‘A woman’s probably not going to jerk off in front of anyone, right?’ And to that, I say, ”Don’t count your chickens.'”

Trump: “The only collusion is the Democrats colluding with the Russians, the Democrats colluding with lots of other people.”

[Ties between Russian Intelligence agents and members of the Trump Presidential campaign have been well-documented. Special Counsel Robert Mueller is now investigating those contacts. To date, there has not been one documented instance of collusion between any Democrat and Russian Intelligence.]

* * * * *

So take your choice.

Right-wingers have universally branded Michelle Wolf as thoroughly disgusting. They profess to be especially upset by jokes she made about White Hose Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

Liberals have chosen Donald Trump as the more repulsively obscene—for his attacks on women, the media, the judiciary, the FBI and Justice Department and the Intelligence community.

The winner of the title Mr./Miss Obscene depends on what you hold most sacred: Words or actions?

SPEAKING TRUTH TO TYRANTS

In Bureaucracy, History, Humor, Politics, Social commentary on May 1, 2018 at 12:04 am

Speaking truth to tyrants is always risky. But those who do—and survive—can find consolation in knowing they have done something few others have dared to do.

Two women—one Russian, the other American—have had this experience.

Maria Veniaminovna Yudina (1899 – 1970) was a gifted pianist who joined the piano faculty of the Moscow Conservatory in 1936, where she taught until 1951.

Maria Yudina

From 1944 to 1960, Yudina taught chamber ensemble and vocal class at the Gnessin Institute. In 1960, she was fired from the Institute because of her religious beliefs and championing of modern Western music.

She continued to perform in public, but her recitals were forbidden to be recorded. At one of her recitals in Leningrad, she read Boris Pasternak’s  poetry from the stage as an encore.

For that, Yudina was banned from performing for five years. In 1966, when the ban was lifted, she gave a cycle of lectures on Romanticism at the Moscow Conservatory.

Although born into a Jewish family, she joined and remained a devout member of the Russian Orthodox Church.

Perhaps her most courageous act occurred during the last years of the reign of Joseph Stalin. The Soviet dictator was responsible for the deaths of 20 to 25 million people—through execution, famine, torture, imprisonment and deportations.

Joseph Stalin

One night in 1944, Stalin, listening to the radio, heard a performance of Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 23. Yudina had played the piano, backed up by a full orchestra.

Stalin, impressed, ordered that an envelope containing 20,000 rubles be sent to Yudina.

According to Russian composer and pianist Dimitri Shostakovich, Yudina then did the unthinkable.

In his posthumously-published memoirs, Testimony,  Shostakovich writes that Yudina sent Stalin a letter almost certain to result in her arrest.

The gist of the letter: “I thank you, Iosif Vissarionovich, for your aid.

“I will pray for you day and night and ask the Lord to forgive your great sins before the people and the country. The Lord is merciful and He will forgive you. I gave the money to the church that I attend.”

Stalin read the letter to his inner circle. Although he could have destroyed Yudina as easily as killing a fly, he set aside the letter and did nothing.

Yudina’s recording of Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 23 was on Stalin’s record player when he collapsed with a cerebral hemorrhage on March 1, 1953. It was the last music he had listened to.

Shostakovich believed that Stalin was superstitious—and it was this that saved Yudina.

Throughout her life, Yudina remained an uncompromising critic of the Soviet regime. She died in Moscow in 1970.

Seventy-four years later, another woman—Michelle Wolf—dared speak truth to a tyrant in a different way.

Wolf (1985 – ) is an American comedian and writer. In 2007, she graduated from the College of William & Mary, a public research university in Williamsburg, Virginia.  Her major: Kinesiology (the scientific study of human or non-human body movement.

She decided to enter the comedy world and made her first appearance on late-night television in 2014, on Late Night with Seth Meyers. She made repeated appearances on the show,  A regular at the Comedy Cellar in New York City, she joined The Daily Show with Trevor Noah in 2016

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Michelle Wolf

In 2017, she made her HBO stand-up debut, Michelle Wolf: Nice Lady.

On April 28, she hosted the annual White House Correspondents Dinner.

Traditionally, it’s been an occasion where Washington’s political and media elites enjoy dinner and trade barbed quips at one another.

But President Donald Trump chose to skip the dinner in 2017 and 2018. Trump—who repeatedly  insults others—is too thin-skinned to accept even harmless jokes aimed at him.

That, however, didn’t deter Wolf. And she served up a series of barbed jokes aimed at the greed, deceit and hypocrisy of high-ranking Trump administration officials. Among these:

  • [Trump] loves white nationalists, which is a weird term for a Nazi. Calling a Nazi a white nationalist is like calling a pedophile a kid friend or Harvey Weinstein a ladies’ man.
  • [Vice President] Mike Pence is a weirdo, though. He’s a weird little guy. He won’t meet with other women without his wife present. When people first heard this, they were like, “That’s crazy.” But now, in this current climate, they’re like, “That’s a good witness.”
  • A tree falls in the woods is [Environmental Protection Agency director] Scott Pruitt’s definition of porn. Yeah, we all have our kinks.

But Wolf also had plenty of jabs for assembled media bigwigs.

  • The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles. 
  • People want me to make fun of [Fox News host] Sean Hannity tonight, but I cannot do that; this dinner is for journalists.

Wolf’s jokes—especially those about White Hose Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders—triggered harsh attacks in turn from Trump officials and media critics.

But Jimmy Kimmel—who has also performed at the correspondents dinner—tweeted:

“Michelle did exactly what she should do, which was [to] upset everybody. That’s the role of a commentator and a bomb thrower and a comedian. Your job is not to make people comfortable and your job is definitely not to stay within the line. Your job is to say the things that make people uncomfortable and upset.”

THE STORMY LIFE OF DONALD TRUMP

In History, Law, Politics, Social commentary on March 8, 2018 at 12:06 am

On January 12, the Wall Street Journal announced in a front-page headline:

TRUMP LAWYER ARRANGED $130,000 PAYMENT

FOR ADULT FILM-STAR’S SILENCE

According to the story that followed, real estate mogul Donald Trump had his personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, pay porn actress Stormy Daniels $130,000 in October 2016.

The payment was to ensure her silence about a tryst she had had with Trump in July, 2006.

The hush-money payment came while Trump was the Republican nominee for President—and the election was less than a month away.

At the time of the payoff, Daniels—whose real name is Stephanie Clifford—was reportedly in talks to be a guest on Good Morning America and be interviewed by Slate. She was also talking with The Daily Beast about an interview.

Then she backed out on November 3—five days before voters went to the polls.

Stormy Daniels in 2007 (Wikipedia)

Cohen initially said that Trump Trump “vehemently denies” they met.

But on February 13, Cohen said he paid $130,000 of his own money to Daniels: “In a private transaction in 2016, I used my own personal funds to facilitate a payment of $130,000 to Ms. Stephanie Clifford.

“Neither the Trump Organization nor the Trump campaign was a party to the transaction with Ms. Clifford, and neither reimbursed me for the payment, either directly or indirectly.” 

Cohen didn’t explain why, if there had been no affair between Trump and Daniels, he paid $130,000 of his own money to a woman making false claims. 

On January 17, 2018, In Touch Weekly published excerpts of a 2011 interview it had obtained with Daniels, where she had bragged of having a 2006 extramarital affair with Trump.

According to her, she met him at a charity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe. Trump asked for her number and she gave it to him. Then he asked if she would like to have dinner with him and she said yes. She went up to his hotel room where they ate dinner and talked. And then had sex.

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Donald Trump

Trump had married his third wife, Melania, on January 22, 2005. At the time of his tryst with Daniels, Melania Trump was caring for their four-month-old son, Barron. 

This was not Trump’s only encounter with Daniels.

Throughout 2007, Trump tried to persuade Daniels to land a her own TV show. 

He gave her the phone numbers of his bodyguard, Keith Schiller, and his secretary, Rhona.

Whenever Daniels wanted to reach him, Trump immediately took her call or called back in 10 minutes.  His number was always blocked.

Trump called her about every 10 days. He would start the conversation by asking, “How’s it going, honeybunch?” 

For whatever reason, Daniels never landed a TV show of her own.

While in bed with Trump, Daniels told In Touch, she thought: “Please don’t try to pay me.” She thought of herself as a porn-star, not as a prostitute. But then she thought: “I bet if he did, it would be a lot.” 

Apparently, Daniels has since decided that $130,000 wasn’t enough. In the months since the Wall Street Journal revealed the affair, she has made a grab for publicity, if not notoriety—and the monies that come with it. 

After all, she will be 39 on March 17—long past her prime as a porn star in an industry that chews up women like raw meat.

As The Atlantic phrased it in a January 31 article, “The Upside Down Logic of Stormy Daniels”: “The adult-film actor and director is engaged in a promotional tour where she can’t discuss events she says never took place.”  

On January 20, she began touring national strip clubs as part of her “Make America Horny Again” publicity campaign. 

Ten days later—the same day as Trump’s first State of the Union address before Congress—she appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live!  

But Kimmel—-and his viewers—were seriously disappointed. Instead of spewing a lot of salacious details, she gave a series of giggled non-answers to questions about her encounter with Trump.

Only hours before the interview, Daniels had issued a statement, once again denying that she had ever had a sexual affair with Trump.  

“Did you sign this letter that was released today?” asked Kimmel.

“I don’t know, did I?” Daniels coyly replied. “That doesn’t look like my signature …I do not know where it came from.” 

Clearly, she was trying to have it both ways: To cash in on her newfound notoriety and avoid being sued for violating the hush-money’s non-disclosure clause. 

Apparently she tired of being unable reap the publicity—and money—of sharing all the sordid details of the affair. 

So, on March 6, she had her lawyer file a lawsuit on her behalf. 

The filing, in Los Angeles Superior Court, states that Trump never signed the nondisclosure agreement presented to her in 2016, rendering it null and void.  

Daniels claims she isn’t suing for money—but to ensure that she can tell her story without fear of being sued for violating the confidentiality agreement.

But if she can do so, the financial rewards will be considerable—such as a book deal and paid appearances at various clubs. 

Whatever the outcome, for Trump, the episode marks yet another stain on his thoroughly scandal-stained reputation.

STORMY WEATHER AT THE WHITE HOUSE: PART TWO (END)

In Bureaucracy, History, Politics, Social commentary on January 30, 2018 at 12:15 am

On January 17, In Touch Weekly published excerpts of a 2011 interview it had obtained with porn star Stormy Daniels. In it, she had bragged of having a 2006 extramarital tryst with Donald Trump.

Since then, the story has provided fodder for magazine writers and comedians—such as late night Late Night TV host Stephen Colbert.

On the eve of President Trump’s attending an economic conference in Davos, Switzerland, Colbert joked: There was a good reason why First Lady Melania Trump wasn’t traveling with him:

“Yes, there were logistical issues. For instance, the weather. She was afraid it was going to be too Stormy.”

Trump and Stormy
Trump and Stormy
When his wife’s away, Trump thinks, “Why worry?
Sex with sluts is kinky.
And they don’t mind I’m really stinky.”

But for Melania, the scandal can’t be a laughing matter.

On January 26, her spokeswoman, Stephanie Grisham, tweeted: “The laundry list of salacious & flat-out false reporting about Mrs. Trump by tabloid publications & TV shows has seeped into ‘main stream media’ reporting. She is focused on her family & role as FLOTUS – not the unrealistic scenarios being peddled daily by the fake news.”

While Trump was in Davos, Melania visited the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C. She then flew to West Palm Beach, Florida.

Notably, she didn’t post a photo of herself with Trump to mark his first year as President. Instead, she posted on Twitter a picture of herself grinning while standing next to an unsmiling Marine.

There has been much speculation on social media about whether Melania might divorce Trump—now or later—over his rampant infidelities.

(In his infamous 2005 Access Hollywood exchange with Billy Bush, Trump admitted: “You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful–I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.)

Donald Trump, Adrianne Zucker and Billy Bush

What would happen if Melania decided to file for divorce while they still occupied the White House?

The Presidency of Andrew Jackson provides a partial answer.

In 1829, his Secretary of War, John Eaton, married Margaret “Peggy” O’Neill, a former tavern maid with a supposedly lurid past.

In 1828, Margaret’s first husband, John B. Timberlake, a navy sailor, had died unexpectedly.  Rumors circulated that he had committed suicide over his wife’s alleged affair with Eaton. (Medical examiners concluded that Timberlake died of pneumonia brought on by pulmonary disease.)

Both Eaton and Margaret denied the affair, claiming to be nothing more than friends. When they married shortly after Timberlake’s death, the ladies of Washington society ostracized the new couple.

Jackson sympathized with his friend, Eaton. Jackson’s late wife Rachel—whom he had unwittingly married before her divorce from her first husband was final—had also been the victim of social gossip when she first came to Washington.

Vice President John C. Calhoun’s wife, Floride, led Washington’s elite in snubbing the Eatons.  They refused to pay courtesy calls on the Eatons at their home or receive them as visitors, and denied them invitations to parties and other social events.

Jackson sided with the Eatons. His late wife, Rachel—whom he had unwittingly married before she divorced her first husband—had been mercilessly attacked during Jackson’s 1828 Presidential campaign. Jackson believed these attacks caused Rachel’s death on December 22, 1828, after his election to the Presidency.

For the rest of Jackson’s first term, his opponents used the “Petticoat Affair,” as it was known, to attack the President’s moral judgment and his administration’s policies and appointees.

It finally ended in 1831. Eaton and Secretary of State Martin Van Buren resigned to allow Jackson to install new members to his cabinet and protect his Presidency from further scandal. 

Now, fast forward to 2018:

Trump and Stormy
Trump and Stormy
What a couple—she’s got boobs; he’s horny.
Trumpy spanks his wanker
And says “It’s fun; it’s lots of fun.
It’s just like doing my Ivanka.”

If Melania divorced Trump while he is still President, the Peggy Eaton scandal would pale by comparison.

  • Washington would divide into two camps—those supporting the President and those supporting the First Lady.
  • Reporters would besiege the White House for separate interviews—with Trump and Melania.
  • News media would be filled with stories recounting Trump’s extramarital affairs—not just during his current marriage but during his marriages to his ex-wives Ivana and Marla.
  • Trump would vent his anger and frustrations on Twitter—as he does whenever he’s thwarted. These would fuel more controversy via sensational news stories.
  • His legislative agenda would grind to a  complete halt as Republicans were distracted and Democrats took advantage of it.
  • Comedians like Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert would find themselves in comic heaven, with Trump’s outrageous comments and tweets practically writing their joke routines.
  • Trump’s diehard supporters among the Religious Right would be pressed to defend or condemn his multiple adulteries.
  • These would distract Republicans from effectively pursuing Trump’s—and their—social and political agenda.

Stay tuned for possibly tumultuous developments.

Pay, pay, pay the porn star’s silence
There’s an election.
You don’t want the world to know that you
Can’t get erection.

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