According to Wikipedia:
“Casablanca is a 1942 American romantic drama film directed by Michael Curtiz and starring Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, and Paul Henreid.
“Filmed and set during World War II, it focuses on an American expatriot (Bogart) who must choose between his love for a woman (Bergman) and helping her husband (Henreid), a Czechoslovak resistance leader, escape from the Vichy-controlled city of Casablanca to continue his fight against the Germans.”
It was immediately recognized as a classic—and its reputation has only grown over the continuing decades.
Ronald Reagan was reportedly an early front-runner for the part of Rick Blaine, but the role went—fortunately—to Bogart. For Casablanca’s millions of devoted fans, it’s unimaginable that anyone else could have played that role.
And yet, with a little imagination, it’s possible to imagine a remake of this classic—with Donald Trump starring as Rick.
For the role of his former lover, Ilsa Lund, there could be no better choice than his daughter, Ivanka, whose body he has repeatedly and publicly lusted over. Rudy Giuliani would lend new meaning to the role of Sam, the house pianist.
Thus, if Casablanca were remade today:
* * * * *
IVANKA: Play it once, Rudy. For old times’ sake.
RUDY: I don’t know what you mean, Miss Ivanka.
IVANKA: Play it, Rudy. Play “My Heart Belongs to Daddy.”
RUDY: Oh, I can’t remember it, Miss Ivanka. I’m a little rusty on it.
IVANKA: I’ll hum it for you. Da-dy-da-dy-da-dum, da-dy-da-dee-da-dum…
Rudy Giuliani as Sam
[Rudy begins playing]
IVANKA: Sing it, Rudy.
RUDY: [Singing] You must remember this / A kiss is still a kiss / A bust is just goodbye. / The fingerprinting ink applies / As cops drive by. / And when the cops in blue / Come kick the door in two / You think you wanna cry / No matter how the jailhouse swings—
TRUMP: [Rushing up] Rudy, I thought I told you never to play—
[Sees Ivanka. Rudy closes the piano and rolls it away]
* * * * *
IVANKA: Red Donald, I have to talk to you.
TRUMP: I saved my first drink to have with you.
IVANKA: No, Red Donald, not tonight.
TRUMP: Especially tonight.
IVANKA: Please…
TRUMP: Why did you have to come to Trump Tower? There are other places.
IVANKA: I wouldn’t have come if I’d known you were here. I thought you were out shooting children. Believe me Red Donald, I didn’t know….
TRUMP: It’s funny about your voice, how it hasn’t changed. I can still hear it. “Red Donald, dear, I’ll go with you anyplace. We’ll get on a train together and never stop–“
IVANKA: Don’t, Red Donald! I can understand how you feel.
TRUMP: You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey?
IVANKA: I didn’t count the nights.
Donald Trump as Rick, Ivanka as Ilsa
TRUMP: Well, I did. Every one of ’em. Mostly I remember the last one. The wow finish. A guy waiting by the bed, with plenty of orgy butter in jars on the nightstand, with a comical look in his face because his date stood him up.
IVANKA: Can I tell you a story, Red Donald?
TRUMP: Has it got a wow finish?
IVANKA: I don’t know the finish yet.
TRUMP: Well, go on. Tell it – maybe one will come to you as you go along.
IVANKA: It’s about a girl who knew a man—a very great and courageous man. He opened up for her a whole beautiful world full of knowledge and thoughts and ideals. Everything she knew or ever became was because of him. And she looked up to him and worshiped him….with a feeling she supposed was love.
TRUMP: You mean me, right?
IVANKA: Of course. But after you I met Jared.
TRUMP: Yes, it’s very pretty. I’ve heard a lot of stories in my time. They went along with the sound of a tinny piano playing in the parlor downstairs. “Mister, I loved my Daddy once when I was a kid,” it always began.
* * * * *
TRUMP: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I’ve done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you’re getting in that car with Jared where you belong.
IVANKA: But, Daddy, no, I…
TRUMP: Now, you’ve got to listen to me! You have any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we’d both wind up on the sidewalk when Biden takes over. Isn’t that true, Rudy?
GIULIANI: I’m afraid President Biden would insist.
IVANKA: You’re saying this only to make me go.
TRUMP: I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Jared—even though I can’t imagine how you could prefer him to me.
Jared Kushner as Victor Laszlo
IVANKA: But what about us?
TRUMP: We’ll always have the Lincoln Bedroom. We didn’t have, we lost it until you came to Trump Tower. We got it back last night.
IVANKA: When I said I would never leave you.
TRUMP: And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. First, I’ve got to ditch Melania. Then we have to do something about Jared. Ivanka, I’m no good at being noble, so I won’t try. Someday you’ll understand that.
[Ivanka lowers her head and begins to cry]
TRUMP: Now, now…[Gently places his hand under her chin and raises it so their eyes meet] Here’s looking at you, slut.
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IF DONALD TRUMP STARRED IN “CASABLANCA”
In Bureaucracy, History, Politics, Social commentary on March 6, 2024 at 12:10 amAccording to Wikipedia:
“Casablanca is a 1942 American romantic drama film directed by Michael Curtiz and starring Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, and Paul Henreid.
“Filmed and set during World War II, it focuses on an American expatriot (Bogart) who must choose between his love for a woman (Bergman) and helping her husband (Henreid), a Czechoslovak resistance leader, escape from the Vichy-controlled city of Casablanca to continue his fight against the Germans.”
It was immediately recognized as a classic—and its reputation has only grown over the continuing decades.
Ronald Reagan was reportedly an early front-runner for the part of Rick Blaine, but the role went—fortunately—to Bogart. For Casablanca’s millions of devoted fans, it’s unimaginable that anyone else could have played that role.
And yet, with a little imagination, it’s possible to imagine a remake of this classic—with Donald Trump starring as Rick.
For the role of his former lover, Ilsa Lund, there could be no better choice than his daughter, Ivanka, whose body he has repeatedly and publicly lusted over. Rudy Giuliani would lend new meaning to the role of Sam, the house pianist.
Thus, if Casablanca were remade today:
* * * * *
IVANKA: Play it once, Rudy. For old times’ sake.
RUDY: I don’t know what you mean, Miss Ivanka.
IVANKA: Play it, Rudy. Play “My Heart Belongs to Daddy.”
RUDY: Oh, I can’t remember it, Miss Ivanka. I’m a little rusty on it.
IVANKA: I’ll hum it for you. Da-dy-da-dy-da-dum, da-dy-da-dee-da-dum…
Rudy Giuliani as Sam
[Rudy begins playing]
IVANKA: Sing it, Rudy.
RUDY: [Singing] You must remember this / A kiss is still a kiss / A bust is just goodbye. / The fingerprinting ink applies / As cops drive by. / And when the cops in blue / Come kick the door in two / You think you wanna cry / No matter how the jailhouse swings—
TRUMP: [Rushing up] Rudy, I thought I told you never to play—
[Sees Ivanka. Rudy closes the piano and rolls it away]
* * * * *
IVANKA: Red Donald, I have to talk to you.
TRUMP: I saved my first drink to have with you.
IVANKA: No, Red Donald, not tonight.
TRUMP: Especially tonight.
IVANKA: Please…
TRUMP: Why did you have to come to Trump Tower? There are other places.
IVANKA: I wouldn’t have come if I’d known you were here. I thought you were out shooting children. Believe me Red Donald, I didn’t know….
TRUMP: It’s funny about your voice, how it hasn’t changed. I can still hear it. “Red Donald, dear, I’ll go with you anyplace. We’ll get on a train together and never stop–“
IVANKA: Don’t, Red Donald! I can understand how you feel.
TRUMP: You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey?
IVANKA: I didn’t count the nights.
Donald Trump as Rick, Ivanka as Ilsa
TRUMP: Well, I did. Every one of ’em. Mostly I remember the last one. The wow finish. A guy waiting by the bed, with plenty of orgy butter in jars on the nightstand, with a comical look in his face because his date stood him up.
IVANKA: Can I tell you a story, Red Donald?
TRUMP: Has it got a wow finish?
IVANKA: I don’t know the finish yet.
TRUMP: Well, go on. Tell it – maybe one will come to you as you go along.
IVANKA: It’s about a girl who knew a man—a very great and courageous man. He opened up for her a whole beautiful world full of knowledge and thoughts and ideals. Everything she knew or ever became was because of him. And she looked up to him and worshiped him….with a feeling she supposed was love.
TRUMP: You mean me, right?
IVANKA: Of course. But after you I met Jared.
TRUMP: Yes, it’s very pretty. I’ve heard a lot of stories in my time. They went along with the sound of a tinny piano playing in the parlor downstairs. “Mister, I loved my Daddy once when I was a kid,” it always began.
* * * * *
TRUMP: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I’ve done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you’re getting in that car with Jared where you belong.
IVANKA: But, Daddy, no, I…
TRUMP: Now, you’ve got to listen to me! You have any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we’d both wind up on the sidewalk when Biden takes over. Isn’t that true, Rudy?
GIULIANI: I’m afraid President Biden would insist.
IVANKA: You’re saying this only to make me go.
TRUMP: I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Jared—even though I can’t imagine how you could prefer him to me.
Jared Kushner as Victor Laszlo
IVANKA: But what about us?
TRUMP: We’ll always have the Lincoln Bedroom. We didn’t have, we lost it until you came to Trump Tower. We got it back last night.
IVANKA: When I said I would never leave you.
TRUMP: And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. First, I’ve got to ditch Melania. Then we have to do something about Jared. Ivanka, I’m no good at being noble, so I won’t try. Someday you’ll understand that.
[Ivanka lowers her head and begins to cry]
TRUMP: Now, now…[Gently places his hand under her chin and raises it so their eyes meet] Here’s looking at you, slut.
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