On November 7, 2013, American television culture took yet another step deeper into Toiletville.
It was the Two and Half Men episode, “Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants.” And it starred Lynda Carter as the target of a crush that was both infantile and obscene.
Carter, of course, is the singer/actress best-known for her role as Wonder Woman (1975-1979).
And watching this episode of Men, it was hard to tell where the real-life Carter left off and the fictional character she was playing took over.
Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman
Here, in brief, was the plotline:
Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) learns that his roommate, Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher) knows Lynda Carter.
Having an enormous crush on Carter from his years of watching her as Wonder Woman, Alan asks Walden to set him up on a date with her.
Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invite her to the house for dinner.
Now, if Carter had been playing a fictional character, there wouldn’t have been anything wrong with this premise. Nobody, after all, would have mistaken Laurence Olivier for Richard III.
But she wasn’t. She was playing herself.
And, in her real-life self, she was then 62. An admittedly good-looking 62, but, even so, a woman about 40 years older than the character (Alan) who wants to meet her.
And not simply meet her. Bone her.
Bone her? Yes–that’s exactly what he says when Walden initially turns down his request to introduce him to her: “Now I’ll never get to bone Lynda Carter.”
And since Carter was playing herself, it’s useful to recall that she is, in real-life, a married woman (since 1984 to attorney Robert Altman).
And the show achieved an even lower level of crassness when Walden says Alan is so desperate to meet Carter that he’d skulk around in the bushes in front of her house.
“Wow, Lynda Carter’s bush,” says Alan, practically salivating over the contemplation of a 62-year-old woman’s vagina.
But males weren’t the only gender who got to descend to new depths of bad taste in this episode. There was the character of Jenny (Amber Tamblyn), the lesbian sister of the departed character Charlie (Charlie Sheen).
Again, the show’s writers simply couldn’t resist the temptation to mix real-life with fantasy.
Jenny is, at first, not even aware who Lynda Carter is until Alan, shocked, clues her in on the juvenile series she’s best-known for.
And, after meeting Carter, Jenny remains unimpressed. There’s an edginess in her voice as she comes face-to-face with the actress who’s well-known for supporting gay and lesbian rights.
“I understand you’re into cuffs,” she tells Carter–a reference to the “magic bracelets” worn by her character, Wonder Woman.
But it’s also a double entendre, conjuring up the image of Carter (perhaps in her Wonder Woman outfit) staked out on a bed in a bondage fantasy.
For all of Alan’s over-the-top infatuation with Carter, it’s not him that she’s interested in. It’s his buddy, Walden (Ashton Kutcher).
Lynda Carter and Ashton Kutcher
And to prove it, she gives him a real smackeroo of a kiss.
Which may well have conjured up, for him, real-life memories of his May-December marriage to the actress Demi Moore.
Kutcher was 27 when he tied the knot with Moore in 2005. Moore, by contrast, was 42.
The marriage ended in 2013, amid tabloid reports that Kutcher had cheated on her with Sara Leal, a 22-year-old San Diego-based administrative assistant. Moore by then was 51.
Kutcher, born in 1978, was still rolling around in his cradle while Carter–born in 1951–was wrapping up her third and final season as Wonder Woman.
So, for Kutcher, maybe it was a case of deja vu all over again.
So much for network TV censors’ attitude toward sleaze. Now for their attitude toward patriotism.
On Veterans Day from 2001 to 2004, the American Broadcasting Company (ABC) aired the 1998 Steven Spielberg World War II classic, Saving Private Ryan, uncut and with limited commercial interruptions.
Both the grity, realistic battle scenes and profanity were left intact.
Storming the beach at Normandy in Saving Private Ryan
But in 2004, its airing was marked by pre-emptions by 65 ABC affiliates.
The reason: The backlash over Super Bowl XXXVIII’s halftime show controversy (starring the infamous bared breast of Janet Jackson).
The affiliates—28% of the network—did not clear the available timeslot for the film.
And this was even after the Walt Disney Company–which owns ABC–offered to pay all fines for language to the FCC.
No complaints, however, were lodged with the FCC.
It speaks volumes to the priorities–and values–of American television when a film honoring the wartime sacrifices of American soldiers is banned from network TV.
And it speaks volumes as well to the priorities–and values–of American television when a casually juvenile and crudity-laced series like Two and a Half Men becomes CBS’ biggest cash cow.

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THE FAULT LIES IN US
In Politics, Bureaucracy, History, Social commentary, Self-Help on September 25, 2015 at 12:01 amDuring a GOP primary debate on June 13, 2011, CNN moderator John King noted that FEMA–the Federal Emergency Management Agency–was about to run out of money.
And so he asked Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney:
“There are some people who say do it on a case-by-case basis and some people who say, you know, maybe we’re learning a lesson here that the states should take on more of this role.
“How do you deal with something like that?”
“Absolutely,” Romney replied. “Every time you have an occasion to take something from the federal government and send it back to the states, that’s the right direction.
“And if you can go even further, and send it back to the private sector, that’s even better.
“Instead of thinking in the federal budget, what we should cut–we should ask ourselves the opposite question: What should we keep?
“We should take all of what we’re doing at the federal level and say, what are the things we’re doing that we don’t have to do?
“And those things we’ve got to stop doing, because we’re borrowing $1.6 trillion more this year than we’re taking in.”
FLIP!
Mitt Romney vs. FEMA
On October 30, 2012, one day after Hurricane Sandy lashed the densely-populated East Coast of the United States, reporters wanted to know if Romney still wanted to eliminate FEMA.
And, as he had on so many other issues, Mitt Romney once again refused to answer questions.
“Governor, are you going to eliminate FEMA?” a pool eporter shouted to Romney.
Hurricane Sandy
Romney refused to answer.
The reporter asked Romney at least five times: “If you’re elected President, would you eliminate FEMA?” and “What would you do with FEMA?”
No reply.
Another reporter asked: “Governor, are you going to see some storm damage?”
Again, no answer.
“Governor,. has Chris Christie invited you to come survey storm damage?”
No answer.
“Governor, you’ve been asked 14 times, why are you refusing to answer the question?”
Again, Romney refused to reply.
Finally, under mounting public pressure, he gave this reply:
FLOP!
Mitt Romney pro-FEMA
“I believe that FEMA plays a key role in working with states and localities to prepare for and respond to natural disasters.
“As president, I will ensure FEMA has the funding it needs to fulfill its mission, while directing maximum resources to the first responders who work tirelessly to help those in need.”
In a court of law, a defendant has the right to refuse to take the witness stand and answer questions. And jurors are told by the judge they should not assume the defendant is guilty for doing so.
Courtrooms are often places for a game of let’s-pretend:
But this is the real world.
And, in it, unlike a courtroom, experience teaches that:
Think of Richard Nixon refusing to answer questions about Watergate.
Think of Ronald Reagan refusing to take questions about Iran-Contra.
Think of George W. Bush refusing to take questions about why he ignored months of terrorism warnings before 9/11.
And think of Mitt Romney refusing to answer questions on any number of subjects.
So it’s natural to distrust those who refuse to give specific answers to specific questions–especially when those questions apply to matters that direclty affect people’s lives.
For millions of Americans who profess to be deeply religious, Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:7-8 should have been instructive:
Ask, and it shall be given you. Seek, and ye shall find. Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
For every one that asketh receiveth. And he that seeketh findeth. And to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
In a democracy, those words are a call to citizen action:
Ask.
Seek.
Knock.
In the Soviet Union, the truth about the workings of government and the realities of everyday life was carefully guarded.
Only those who gained special access to the Kremlin’s hidden archives could learn at least some of that truth.
Everyone else had to settle for the official, self-serving, lie-filled pronouncements of the Soviet leadership.
But Americans have no such excuse.
They do have access to a wide range of news from differing sources–ranging from the far left to the far right. At least 1,382 daily newspapers–both domestic and foreign– provide information on a wide range of national and international issues.
More than 20 nationwide broadcasting networks exist. Among these: ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox, NBC, PBS, Telemundo, The CW.
Nevertheless, millions of Americans remain ignorant of the well-revealed truth about the issues that most affect their lives.
As a result, Cassius’ words to Brutus in William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar apply to them:
“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves that we are underlings.”