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TRUMP: CAPTAIN QUEEG ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL: PART TWO (END)

In Bureaucracy, Entertainment, History, Social commentary on March 14, 2018 at 12:20 am

It was March 10, and President Donald Trump was on the campaign trail—and the warpath.

He was speaking at a rally in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Officially, he was there to support State Representative Rick Saccone, the Republican candidate for the House of Representatives.

In reality, Trump was there to support his favorite candidate—himself.

Like Captain Philip Francis Queeg in The Caine Mutiny, Trump offered a mixture of anger, personal attacks, self-pity and self-glorification.

Like Napoleon, he spoke of himself in the third person:

  • “Pennsylvania is the state that gave us the 45th president of the United States.” 
  • “President Moon of South Korea said without Donald Trump, the Olympics would have been a total failure. That’s true. True.” 

He bragged about his great accomplishments as President: 

  • “So we are doing a great, great job.” 
  • “We have done more than any first term administration in the history of our country.” (So much for Franklin D. Roosevelt’s New Deal, which saved American business from its own excesses.)
  • “I’ve got all the big builders, the best ones in the world. I know the best builders. We want to use the good builders, not the bad ones.” 
  • “By the way, if we coasted for two-and-a-half years, we did a hell of a job.” (He’s claiming that if he did nothing more in his term until 2020, he should still be re-elected.)

He gratuitously insulted “Meet the Press” host Chuck Todd:

  • “He’s a sleeping son of a bitch.” 

Related image

 Donald Trump

He attacked the news media: 

  • “A certain anchor on CNN …fake as hell CNN, the, fake as hell CNN, the worst, so fake, fake news.” 
  • “NBC is perhaps worst than CNN, I have to tell you. And MSNBC is horrible.”

He salivated at running in 2020 against Oprah Winfrey:

  • “I’d love to beat Oprah. I know her weakness.” (But he never said what that was.)

He ridiculed the belief that a President should act in a dignified manner: 

  • “Remember how easy it is to be presidential? But you’d all be out of here right now. You’d be so bored.” 

He celebrated his election as President in 2016: 

  • “One of the greatest nights in the history of television in terms of people watching.” (He didn’t say his win was good for the country, just that it was a great night in television history.) 
  • “Remember they said 270, you cannot—remember the famous 270? [The number needed to claim victory in the Electoral College.] He cannot win the election because he cannot get above 270.” 

After praising his wife, Melania, for serving on a blue ribbon commission on the opioid addiction problem, he said blue ribbon commissions were useless: 

  • “We can’t just keep setting up blue ribbon committees with your wife and your wife and your husband, and they meet and they have a meal and they talk.” 

He bragged about his academic record: 

  • “And, you know, I went to the Wharton School of Finance. That’s a great school. The best business school, I think.”  
  • “I went to school. I went to Wharton. I went to school here.” 

He pathetically asked the audience to show that they loved him: 

  • “But you like me? I think so, right? I like you, too. I love you.” 
  • “Did I do a good job? Atlanta?”  (He is referring to the Republican victory in Georgia’s Sixth District special election in 2017.)

He attacked fellow celebrities for not succeeding on TV: 

  • “Arnold Schwarzenegger failed when he did the show [The Apprentice] and he was a movie star. Martha Stewart failed.”

He praised his own appearance: 

  • “I hear he’s [Conor Lamb, the Democratic candidate running against Rick Saccone] better looking. I think I’m better looking than him. I do. I do.” 

He attacked California’s Democratic Representative Maxine Waters:

  • “She’s a low IQ individual. She can’t help it.” (He implies that she criticizes him because she’s stupid.) 

He made a pitch for the women’s vote: 

  • “Women, women, we love you, we love you.” (This is dangerous territory for Trump. He has a long history of making improper advances toward women, if not actually assaulting them.
  • (During the 2016 Presidential race, a leaked 2005 Access Hollywood tape revealed him saying that, as a celebrity, he could do anything with women: “Grab ’em by the pussy.” 
  • (Finally, he is now locked in a legal war with porn star Stormy Daniels, who claims she had a tryst with in 2006—just months after Melania gave birth to his son, Barron.) 

He insulted Massachusetts’ United States Senator Elizabeth Warren, who has been highly critical of him: 

  • “I was watching, during the campaign, and Hillary was sitting right there, and Pocahontas was up, she was so angry, you know, I think she’s losing the audience.” 

Related image

Rick Saccone

* * * * *

Trump rambled on—unscripted—for more than an hour, barely mentioning Rick Saccone—the man he had supposedly come to support. At the end, Trump handed him the microphone and invited him to say a few words. 

By the end of The Caine Mutiny, Stephen Maryk is acquitted of mutiny. Captain Queeg is presumably relieved of future commands. 

By the end of President Trump’s bizarre and frightening campaign speech, it’s clear that America faces an uncertain and dangerous future.

TRUMP: CAPTAIN QUEEG ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL: PART ONE (OF TWO)

In Bureaucracy, Entertainment, History, Politics, Social commentary on March 13, 2018 at 12:03 am

Watching President Donald Trump’s campaigning for Pennsylvania State Representative Rick Saccone, some viewers might have flashed back to the climatic scene in the 1954 movie, The Caine Mutiny

On March 10, Trump appeared at a rally for Saccone, who is campaigning in a special election for a Republican seat in the United States House of Representatives.

In 2016, Trump carried the 18th congressional district by 20 points. But now his favored candidate is fighting for his political life against Democrat Conor Lamb.

Nationwide, Republicans fear that if Saccone loses in the heart of “Trump country,” this could be a prelude to massive rejections by voters in November. 

How did this come to be? Let’s start with The Caine Mutiny.

Based on Herman Wouk’s bestselling novel, it centers on the minesweeper USS Caine. Stationed in the Pacific during World War II, its captain is by-the-book Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg (Humphrey Bogart).

Mutiny 0.jpg

Movie poster for “The Caine Mutiny”

Queeg intends to restore a sense of discipline to the ship’s lax seamen. But he can’t admit mistakes, and his bullying approach to command alienates both officers and crew.

Soon after, a typhoon overtakes the Caine. Queeg becomes paralyzed with fear. His executive officer, Steve Maryk (Van Johnson), relieves the captain of command to prevent the loss of the ship. Maryk turns the Caine into the wind and rides out the storm.

Maryk is tried by court-martial for mutiny. His case looks hopeless: Queeg has been found sane by three Navy psychiatrists.

Naval Prosecutor Lt. Commander John Challee depicts Maryk as a reckless mutineer. And Queeg portrays himself as the persecuted victim of a malignant conspiracy by his own officers.

Knowing that Queeg reacts badly to stress, Maryk’s attorney, Lt. Barney Greenwald (Jose Ferrer) relentlessly cross-examines him:

GREENWALD:  Were all your officers disloyal?

QUEEG:  I didn’t say that. Only some were disloyal.

GREENWALD: Mr Keith and Mr Maryk?

QUEEG:  Yes.

GREENWALD: Did you turn your ship upside down searching for a phantom key?

QUEEG:   I don’t know what lies have been sworn to here, but a key definitely did exist.

PROSECUTOR LT. COMMANDER JOHN CHALLEE: The witness is understandably agitated. I request a recess.

QUEEG:  I don’t want a recess. I’ll answer all questions right here and now.

GREENWALD:  Did you conduct such a search?

QUEEG:  Yes, I did.  My disloyal officers failed me, and the key couldn’t be found.

GREENWALD:  Wasn’t this whole fuss over a quart of strawberries?

QUEEG:  The pilfering of food in large amounts or small is a very serious occurrence on board a ship.

GREENWALD:  You were told that the mess boys ate the berries. There was no key.

QUEEG: The key was not imaginary. I don’t know anything about mess boys eating strawberries.

GREENWALD: Have you no recollection of a conversation with Ensign Harding? Didn’t he tell you that the mess boys ate the strawberries?

QUEEG: I remember he was grateful for his transfer. 

GREENWALD:  Do you know where Ensign Harding is now? He’s in San Diego. He can be flown up here in three hours if necessary. Would it serve any useful purpose to have him testify?

QUEEG:  Now, there’s no need for that.

[He reaches into the pocket of his Navy coat and removes two little steel balls, which he rolls together whenever he feels under stress. He starts rolling them together now and continues to do so throughout the rest of the proceeding.]

caine-mutiny-bogart.jpg

Humphrey Bogart as Captain Philip Francis Queeg

Now that I recall, he might have said something about mess boys. I questioned many men, and Harding was not the most reliable officer.

GREENWALD: The defense has no other recourse than to produce Ensign Harding.

QUEEG:  Now, there’s no need for that. I know exactly what he’ll tell you–lies. He was no different from any other officer in the wardroom. They were all disloyal. I tried to run the ship properly, by the book, but they fought me at every turn. If the crew wanted to walk around with their shirt-tails out, let them. Take the tow line–defective equipment.

But they began spreading wild rumors about steaming in circles. And then “Old Yellowstain.” I was to blame for Maryk’s incompetence and poor seamanship. Lt. Maryk was the perfect officer, but not Queeg.

But the strawberries, ah, that’s where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes. But I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt and with geometric logic that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist. I could have produced that key if they hadn’t pulled the Caine out of action. I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officer.

Naturally, I can only cover these things from memory. If I’ve left anything out, just ask me specific questions and I’ll be glad to answer them one by one.

[The courtroom falls silent–except for the tinkling of the steel balls that Queeg keeps rolling in his right hand. The judges stare at him as he does so. They say nothing, but it’s clear they know they’re looking at a man at the end of his sanity–and naval career.]

GREENWALD: No further questions, sir.

Maryk is acquitted.

* * * * *

So much for fiction. Now for the terrifying reality.

CAPTAIN QUEEG COMES TO WASHINGTON: PART TWO (END)

In Bureaucracy, History, Politics, Social commentary on January 12, 2018 at 12:03 am

It was February 16, 2017—and Donald Trump’s first press conference as President.

Like the climatic showdown in The Caine Mutiny, it offered an unhinged rant, full of anger, personal attacks, self-pity and self-glorification.

But the man doing the ranting was not Captain Philip Francis Queeg. It was President Donald J. Trump, speaking from the East Room of the White House.

He opened casually: “Thank you very much. I just wanted to begin by mentioning that the nominee for Secretary of the Department of Labor will be Mr. Alex Acosta….”

Related image

 Donald Trump

For the next hour and 15 minutes, Trump let raw emotion do his talking.

Among the highlights:

His hated the press:  “….The press has become so dishonest that if we don’t talk about it, we are doing a tremendous disservice to the American people. Tremendous disservice. We have to talk about it to find out what is going on, because the press, honestly, is out of control. The level of dishonesty is out of control.”

He won “bigly” in the Electoral College: “I put it out before the American people, got 306 electoral college votes. They said there’s no way to get 222. 230 is impossible. 270 which you need, that was laughable. We got 306, because people came out and voted like they’ve never seen before. So that’s the way it goes. I guess it was the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan.”

[Actually, it wasn’t. He got a smaller share of the Electoral College votes—56.88%  than former presidents George H. W. Bush—79.18% in 1988; Bill Clinton—68.77% in 1992 and 70.45% in 1996; and Barack Obama—67.84% in 2008 and 61.71% in 2012.

[No other President had ever felt it necessary to brag about his Electoral College victory. And Trump didn’t mention that he lost the popular vote—with Hillary Clinton getting almost 2.9 million more votes than he did.]

He ignored the turmoil in his month-old administration: “I turn on the TV, open the newspapers and I see stories of chaos. Chaos. Yet it is the exact opposite. This administration is running like a fine-tuned machine, despite the fact that I can’t get my Cabinet approved, and they’re outstanding people.”

[His National Security Adviser, Michael T. Flynn, a retired Army lieutenant general, was forced to resign after 24 days. On December 1, he would plead guilty to lying to the FBI and agree to cooperate with Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation of Russian subversion of the 2016 Presidential election.

Michael T Flynn.jpg

Mike Flynn

[In addition, Trump:

  • Had his executive order banning travel by Muslims to the United States halted by Federal courts;
  • Fired his acting attorney general for refusing to defend the ban;
  • Angered the president of Mexico into cancelling a summit meeting;
  • Bragged about the size of his electoral win to Australia’s prime minister, then hung up on him;
  • Authorized a commando raid that resulted in the death of a Navy SEAL;
  • Lied that he had been prevented from winning the popular vote by millions of illegal aliens; and
  • Attacked Nordstrom’s department store for dropping the clothing and accessories lines of his daughter, Ivanka.

[In fact, Trump’s Cabinet—with the exception of his pick for Secretary of Labor—had been steamrollered through the Senate by Republicans.]

The press persecuted him: I watch CNN. It’s so much anger and hatred and just the hatred. I don’t watch it anymore, because it’s very good….

“You look at your show [CNN Tonight] that goes on at 10 in the evening. You just take a look at that show. That is a constant hit. The panel is almost always exclusive anti-Trump. The good news is he doesn’t have good ratings, but the panel is almost exclusive anti-Trump. And the hatred and venom coming from his mouth. The hatred coming from other people on your network.”

He was truly a good, misunderstood person: “….I can handle a bad story better than anybody, as long as it is true. Over a course of time, I will make mistakes and you will write badly, and I am OK with that. But I am not OK when it is fake….

“I know when you’re telling the truth or when you’re not. I just see many, many untruthful things. And I’ll tell you what else I see, I see tone….The tone is such hatred. I’m really not a bad person, by the way. No, but the tone is such—I do get good ratings. You have to admit that.”

His campaign never colluded with Russian Intelligence: “Well, the failing New York Times wrote a big, long front-page story yesterday. And it was very much discredited, as you know. It [was]— it’s a joke. … Russia is fake news. This is fake news put out by the media.”

[Several of Trump’s high-level advisers were in constant communication during the campaign with Russian Intelligence agents. These contacts are now being investigated by House and Senate subcommittees and the office of the Special Counsel.]

* * * * *

By the end of The Caine Mutiny, Stephen Maryk was acquitted of mutiny. Captain Queeg was presumably relieved of future commands.

By the end of President Trump’s bizarre and frightening press conference, there was no telling what lay ahead for the United States—or the world.

CAPTAIN QUEEG COMES TO WASHINGTON: PART ONE (OF TWO)

In Bureaucracy, History, Politics, Social commentary on January 11, 2018 at 12:01 am

Americans eager—or anxious—to discover what the Presidency of Donald Trump would be like only needed to watch his first press conference on February 16, 2017.

For many, it resembled the climatic scene in the 1954 movie, The Caine Mutiny.

Based on Herman Wouk’s bestselling novel, it centers on the minesweeper USS Caine. Stationed in the Pacific during World War II, its captain is by-the-book Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg (Humphrey Bogart).

Mutiny 0.jpg

Queeg is determined to bring a sense of discipline to the ship’s lax seamen. But he can’t admit mistakes, and his bullying approach to command alienates both officers and crew.

Soon after, a typhoon overtakes the Caine. Queeg becomes paralyzed with fear. His executive officer, Steve Maryk (Van Johnson), relieves the captain of command to prevent the loss of the ship. Maryk turns the Caine into the wind and rides out the storm.

Maryk is tried by court-martial for mutiny. His case looks hopeless: Queeg has been found sane by three Navy psychiatrists.

Naval Prosecutor Lt. Commander John Challee depicts Maryk as a reckless mutineer. And Queeg portrays himself as the persecuted victim of a malignant conspiracy by his own officers.

Knowing that Queeg reacts badly to stress, Maryk’s attorney, Lt. Barney Greenwald (Jose Ferrer) relentlessly cross-examines him:

GREENWALD:  Did you steam over your tow line?

QUEEG: When we were towing the target, I saw some anti-aircraft bursts. I turned to avoid them. My unreliable helmsman failed to warn me about that. But I saw it and reversed course. We didn’t steam over the tow line.

GREENWALD:  Did nothing else distract you?

QUEEG: Not that I recall.

GREENWALD: Weren’t you reprimanding a seaman for having his shirt-tail out while the ship turned?

QUEEG: That only took two seconds.

GREENWALD: Did you turn your ship upside down searching for a phantom key?

QUEEG:   I don’t know what lies have been sworn to here, but a key definitely did exist.

PROSECUTOR LT. COMMANDER JOHN CHALLEE: The witness is understandably agitated. I request a recess.

QUEEG:  I don’t want a recess. I’ll answer all questions right here and now.

GREENWALD:  Did you conduct such a search?

QUEEG:  Yes, I did. My disloyal officers failed me, and the key couldn’t be found.

GREENWALD: Wasn’t this whole fuss over a quart of strawberries?

QUEEG:  The pilfering of food in large amounts or small is a very serious occurrence on board a ship.

GREENWALD:  You were told that the mess boys ate the berries. There was no key.

QUEEG: The key was not imaginary. I don’t know anything about mess boys eating strawberries.

GREENWALD: Have you no recollection of a conversation with Ensign Harding? Didn’t he tell you that the mess boys ate the strawberries?

QUEEG: I remember he was grateful for his transfer. His wife was ill in the States.

GREENWALD:  Do you know where Ensign Harding is now? He’s in San Diego. He can be flown up here in three hours if necessary. Would it serve any useful purpose to have him testify?

QUEEG:  Now, there’s no need for that.

[He reaches into the pocket of his Navy coat and removes two little steel balls, which he rolls together whenever he feels under stress. He starts rolling them together now and continues to do so throughout the rest of the proceeding.]

caine-mutiny-bogart.jpg

Now that I recall, he might have said something about mess boys. I questioned many men, and Harding was not the most reliable officer.

GREENWALD: The defense has no other recourse than to produce Ensign Harding.

QUEEG:  Now, there’s no need for that. I know exactly what he’ll tell you—lies. He was no different from any other officer in the wardroom. They were all disloyal. I tried to run the ship properly, by the book, but they fought me at every turn. If the crew wanted to walk around with their shirt-tails out, let them. Take the tow line—defective equipment.

But they began spreading wild rumors about steaming in circles. And then “Old Yellowstain.” I was to blame for Maryk’s incompetence and poor seamanship. Lt. Maryk was the perfect officer, but not Queeg.

But the strawberries, ah, that’s where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes. But I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt and with geometric logic that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist. I could have produced that key if they hadn’t pulled the Caine out of action. I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officer.

Naturally, I can only cover these things from memory. If I’ve left anything out, just ask me specific questions and I’ll be glad to answer them one by one.

[The courtroom falls silent—except for the tinkling of the steel balls that Queeg keeps rolling in his right hand. The judges stare at him as he does so. They say nothing, but it’s clear they know they’re looking at a man at the end of his sanity—and naval career.]

GREENWALD: No further questions, sir.

Maryk is acquitted.

* * * * *

So much for fiction. Now for the terrifying reality.

CAPTAIN QUEEG AS PRESIDENT: PART TWO (END)

In Bureaucracy, Entertainment, History, Politics, Social commentary on February 21, 2017 at 12:04 am

It was February 16–and Trump’s first press conference as President.

Like the climatic showdown in The Caine Mutiny, it offered an unhinged rant, full of anger, personal attacks, self-pity and self-glorification.

But the man doing the ranting was not Captain Philip Francis Queeg. It was President Donald J. Trump, speaking from the East Room of the White House.

He opened casually: “Thank you very much. I just wanted to begin by mentioning that the nominee for Secretary of the Department of Labor will be Mr. Alex Acosta….”

Related image

 Donald Trump

For the next hour and 15 minutes, Trump let raw emotion do his talking.

Among the highlights:

His hates the press:  “….The press has become so dishonest that if we don’t talk about it, we are doing a tremendous disservice to the American people. Tremendous disservice. We have to talk about it to find out what is going on, because the press, honestly, is out of control. The level of dishonesty is out of control.”

He won “bigly” in the Electoral College: “I put it out before the American people, got 306 electoral college votes. They said there’s no way to get 222. 230 is impossible. 270 which you need, that was laughable. We got 306, because people came out and voted like they’ve never seen before. So that’s the way it goes. I guess it was the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan.”

[Actually, it wasn’t. He got a smaller share of the Electoral College votes–56.88%  than former presidents George H. W. Bush–79.18%; Bill Clinton–68.77% in 1992; and 70.45% in 1996; and Barack Obama–67.84% in 2008; and 61.71% in 2012.

[No other President had ever felt it necessary to brag about his Electoral College victory. And Trump didn’t mention that he lost the popular vote–with Hillary Clinton getting almost 2.9 million more votes than he did.]

He ignored the turmoil in his month-old administration:  “I turn on the TV, open the newspapers and I see stories of chaos. Chaos. Yet it is the exact opposite. This administration is running like a fine-tuned machine, despite the fact that I can’t get my Cabinet approved, and they’re outstanding people.”

[His National Security Adviser, Michael T. Flynn, a retired Army lieutenant general, was forced to resign after 24 days. 

Michael T Flynn.jpg

Mike Flynn

[The reason: The media reported that Flynn had misled the vice president and other White House colleagues about a conversation with the Russian ambassador to the United States.

[In addition, Trump:

  • Had his executive order banning travel by Muslims to the United States halted by Federal courts;
  • Fired his acting attorney general for refusing to defend the ban;
  • Angered the president of Mexico into cancelling a summit meeting;
  • Bragged about the size of his electoral win to Australia’s prime minister, then hung up on him;
  • Authorized a commando raid that resulted in the death of a Navy SEAL;
  • Lied that he had been prevented from winning the popular vote by millions of illegal aliens; and
  • Attacked Nordstrom’s department store for dropping the clothing and accessories lines of his daughter, Ivanka.

[In fact, Trump’s Cabinet–with the exception of his pick for Secretary of Labor–had been steamrollered through the Senate by Republicans.]

The press persecutes him: I watch CNN. It’s so much anger and hatred and just the hatred. I don’t watch it anymore, because it’s very good….

“You look at your show [CNN Tonight] that goes on at 10 in the evening. You just take a look at that show. That is a constant hit. The panel is almost always exclusive anti-Trump. The good news is he doesn’t have good ratings, but the panel is almost exclusive anti-Trump. And the hatred and venom coming from his mouth. The hatred coming from other people on your network.”

He’s really a good, misunderstood person: “….I can handle a bad story better than anybody, as long as it is true. Over a course of time, I will make mistakes and you will write badly, and I am OK with that. But I am not OK when it is fake….

“I know when you’re telling the truth or when you’re not. I just see many, many untruthful things. And I’ll tell you what else I see, I see tone….The tone is such hatred. I’m really not a bad person, by the way. No, but the tone is such–I do get good ratings. You have to admit that.”

His campaign never colluded with Russian Intelligence: “Well, the failing New York Times wrote a big, long front-page story yesterday. And it was very much discredited, as you know. It [was] — it’s a joke. … Russia is fake news. This is fake news put out by the media.”

[Several of Trump’s high-level advisers were in constant communication during the campaign with Russian Intelligence agents. These contacts are now being investigated by the FBI, CIA and National Security Agency.]

* * * * *

By the end of The Caine Mutiny, Stephen Maryk is acquitted of mutiny. Captain Queeg is presumably relieved of future commands.

By the end of President Trump’s bizarre and frightening press conference, there is no telling what lies ahead for the United States–or the world.

CAPTAIN QUEEG AS PRESIDENT: PART ONE (OF TWO)

In Bureaucracy, Entertainment, History, Politics, Social commentary on February 20, 2017 at 12:03 am

Watching President Donald Trump’s first press conference, some viewers might have flashed back to the climatic scene in the 1954 movie, The Caine Mutiny.

Based on Herman Wouk’s bestselling novel, it centers on the minesweeper USS Caine. Stationed in the Pacific during World War II, its captain is by-the-book Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg (Humphrey Bogart).

Mutiny 0.jpg

Queeg is determined to bring a sense of discipline to the ship’s lax seamen. But he can’t admit mistakes, and his bullying approach to command alienates both officers and crew.

Soon after, a typhoon overtakes the Caine. Queeg becomes paralyzed with fear. His executive officer, Steve Maryk (Van Johnson), relieves the captain of command to prevent the loss of the ship. Maryk turns the Caine into the wind and rides out the storm.

Maryk is tried by court-martial for mutiny. His case looks hopeless: Queeg has been found sane by three Navy psychiatrists.

Naval Prosecutor Lt. Commander John Challee depicts Maryk as a reckless mutineer. And Queeg portrays himself as the persecuted victim of a malignant conspiracy by his own officers.

Knowing that Queeg reacts badly to stress, Maryk’s attorney, Lt. Barney Greenwald (Jose Ferrer) relentlessly cross-examines him:

GREENWALD:  Did you steam over your tow line?

QUEEG: I’m happy to dispose of this particular slander. When we were towing the target, I saw some anti-aircraft bursts. I turned to avoid them. My unreliable helmsman failed to warn me about that. But I saw it and reversed course. We didn’t steam over the tow line.

GREENWALD:  Did nothing else distract you?

QUEEG: Not that I recall.

GREENWALD: Weren’t you reprimanding a seaman for having his shirt-tail out while the ship turned?

QUEEG: That only took two seconds.

GREENWALD:  Were all your officers disloyal?

QUEEG:  I didn’t say that. Only some were disloyal.

GREENWALD: Mr Keith and Mr Maryk?

QUEEG:  Yes.

GREENWALD: Did you turn your ship upside down searching for a phantom key?

QUEEG:   I don’t know what lies have been sworn to here, but a key definitely did exist.

PROSECUTOR LT. COMMANDER JOHN CHALLEE: The witness is understandably agitated. I request a recess.

QUEEG:  I don’t want a recess. I’ll answer all questions right here and now.

GREENWALD:  Did you conduct such a search?

QUEEG:  Yes, I did.  My disloyal officers failed me, and the key couldn’t be found.

GREENWALD:  Wasn’t this whole fuss over a quart of strawberries?

QUEEG:  The pilfering of food in large amounts or small is a very serious occurrence on board a ship.

GREENWALD:  You were told that the mess boys ate the berries. There was no key.

QUEEG: The key was not imaginary. I don’t know anything about mess boys eating strawberries.

GREENWALD: Have you no recollection of a conversation with Ensign Harding? Didn’t he tell you that the mess boys ate the strawberries?

QUEEG: I remember he was grateful for his transfer. His wife was ill in the States.

GREENWALD:  Do you know where Ensign Harding is now? He’s in San Diego. He can be flown up here in three hours if necessary. Would it serve any useful purpose to have him testify?

QUEEG:  Now, there’s no need for that.

[He reaches into the pocket of his Navy coat and removes two little steel balls, which he rolls together whenever he feels under stress. He starts rolling them together now and continues to do so throughout the rest of the proceeding.]

caine-mutiny-bogart.jpg

Now that I recall, he might have said something about mess boys. I questioned many men, and Harding was not the most reliable officer.

GREENWALD: The defense has no other recourse than to produce Ensign Harding.

QUEEG:  Now, there’s no need for that. I know exactly what he’ll tell you–lies. He was no different from any other officer in the wardroom. They were all disloyal. I tried to run the ship properly, by the book, but they fought me at every turn. If the crew wanted to walk around with their shirt-tails out, let them. Take the tow line–defective equipment.

But they began spreading wild rumors about steaming in circles. And then “Old Yellowstain.” I was to blame for Maryk’s incompetence and poor seamonship. Lt. Maryk was the perfect officer, but not Queeg.

But the strawberries, ah, that’s where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes. But I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt and with geometric logic that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist. I could have produced that key if they hadn’t pulled the Caine out of action. I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officer.

Naturally, I can only cover these things from memory. If I’ve left anything out, just ask me specific questions and I’ll be glad to answer them one by one.

[The courtroom falls silent–except for the tinkling of the steel balls that Queeg keeps rolling in his right hand. The judges stare at him as he does so. They say nothing, but it’s clear they know they’re looking at a man at the end of his sanity–and naval career.]

GREENWALD: No further questions, sir.

Maryk is acquitted.

* * * * *

So much for fiction. Now for the terrifying reality.

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