bureaucracybusters

SONGS FOR THE HEADLINES

In Humor, Politics on October 12, 2011 at 4:50 pm

IRAN PLOTTED TO KILL SAUDI AMBASSADOR

Factions of the Iranian government plotted to assassinate the Saudi ambassador to the United States with help from a member of a Mexican drug cartel, Attorney General Eric Holder announced on October 11.

Holder said the criminal complaint, filed in New York, alleges that “this conspiracy was conceived, sponsored and directed from Iran.”

Two men were charged in New York federal court.  One was a member of Iran’s special operations unit known as the Quds Force, a branch of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard.
 
The charges included:
  • conspiracy to murder a foreign official
  • conspiracy to use a weapon of mass destruction
  • and conspiracy to commit an act of international terrorism violating national boundaries.

Far more about this plot will undoubtedly be revealed in the months ahead.  But now seems as good a time as any to celebrate this Islamic nation’s approach to resolving its disputes.

 MULLAH IN THE SKY 

(To be sung to the tune of “Spirit in the Sky”) 

When I die in my suicide vest, gonna go to the place that’s the best.

When I lay me down to die, goin’ up to the Mullah in the Sky. 

Goin’ up to the Mullah in the Sky–that’s where I’m gonna go when I die.

When I die in my suicide vest, I’m gonna go to the place that’s the best. 

Prepare your bomb–you know it’s jihad.

Gotta have a friend in Allah.

So you know that when I die, gonna blow the lousy infidels goodbye. 

Gonna blow the lousy infidels goodbye, that’s what I’m gonna do when I die.

When I die in my suicide vest, I’m gonna go to my grave as a mess.

Never been a Christian–or worse a Jew.

I’ve got a friend in Allah.

So you know that when I die, He’s gonna set up with those virgins in the sky. 

Gonna set me up with those virgins in the sky, that’s what I’m gonna screw when I die.

When I die in my suicide vest, I’m gonna go to the place that’s the best.

Go to my grave as a mess.

* * * * *

EVANGELICAL PASTOR SAYS “MORMONS ARE NOT CHRISTIANS”

Robert Jeffress, the evangelical pastor of First Baptist Dallas, said that Mormonism is a cult–and Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is therefore not a Christian.

Jeffress, a supporter of Texas Governor Rick Perry for President, made his comments after introducing Perry at the Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C. on October 7.

Polls have consistently shown that most evangelicals believe that Mormonism is a cult.  As a result, many Republican political strategists fear that if Romney gets the GOP nomination, millions of evangelicals will sit out the election.

But one need not be anti-Mormon to dislike Romney.  He is, after all, a wealthy former CEO (Corrupt Egotistical Oligarch). 

And in a time where 25 million Americans are unemployed, many will find good reason to distrust the motives of a man whose economic philosophy is “my corporation, right or wrong.”

THE MITT ROMNEY THEME SONG

(To be sung to the tune of “Can’t Buy Me Love”) 

Can buy me votes, votes.
Can buy me votes.

I’ll sell you a load of crap my friend if it makes you feel alright.
I’ll pander any way you want if it gets me through the night.
‘Cause I don’t care too much for losing, money can buy me votes.

I’ll give you all a plastic smile if you say you’ll vote for me.
I may not give a damn for you, but what I got I’ll spend with glee.
I don’t care too much for losing, money can buy me votes.

Can’t buy me votes, everybody tells me so.
Can’t buy me votes, no no no, no.

Say you don’t need no Herman Cain or even Huckabee.
Tell me that you want a stuffed-shirt shit and you’ll get that with me.
I don’t care too much for losing money can buy me votes. 

Can’t buy me votes, everybody tells me so.
Can’t buy me votes, no no no, no.

 Say you don’t need no Herman Cain or even Huckabee.
Tell me that you want a stuffed-shirt shit and you’ll get that with me.
I don’t care too much for losing, money can buy me votes. 

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