Right-wingers are still reeling from the election-night defeat of Mitt Romney, their nominee for Plutocrat-in-Chief.
As President John F. Kennedy put it, after his humiliation at the Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba: “Victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan.”
Thus, many high-ranking Republicans are now looking for excuses for the stunning setback they suffered.
Among those excuses:
- The voters were stupid.
- Romney wasn’t conservative enough.
- Romney wasn’t ruthless enough.
- President Barack Obama “suppressed the vote”–through negative campaigning.
- Hurricane Sandy took people’s attention away from Romney’s message.
- New Jersey Governor Chris Christie actually praised Obama for the help FEMA gave to the storm’s victims.
- The fact-checkers were out to get Romney.
- The news media were out to get Romney.
It’s all highly reminiscent of another blame-game that occurred in post-World War 1 Germany: “We didn’t lose the war. We were stabbed in the back by criminals, Communists and Jews.”
At least, that was Adolf Hitler’s take on the war.
And it made sense–if you were a German who didn’t want to blame Germany for starting a war it could not hope to win, only to be defeated by the armies of France, Britain and the United States.
Similarly, the far-Right leadership of the Republican Party refuses to accept any blame for the loss.
It couldn’t be that
- large numbers of women were outraged by the party’s attacks on abortion and even birth control;
- large numbers of blacks were outraged by the party’s venomous, often racist attacks on Obama;
- large numbers of Hispanics were outraged by the party’s attacks on them as all illegal aliens who must be deported;
- large numbers of voters generally were outraged by the party’s blatant efforts to suppress voting rights.
Or could it?
Since Republican leaders seem unwilling to learn from their mistakes, only one course lies open to them: Repeat those mistakes.
And that means finding another “severely conservative” candidate to run for President.
But who might be “conservative” enough to gain the support of the right-wingers controlling the Republican party?
Perhaps the science of cloning can provide the answer.
By 2016, scientists may have perfected cloning–and thus allow Republicans to create their ideal Presidential candidate.
Imagine how this could affect the outcome of the 2016 election:
The top officials of the Republican Party decide to create the perfect, unbeatable Presidential candidate.
They direct scientists from the National Institute of Health to resurrect–via DNA samples–several past, hugely popular Republican leaders.
The first of these, of course, is Abraham Lincoln: Savior of the Union and destroyer of slavery.
The scientists then introduce him to a sample of Republican voters to gauge his current popularity.
The test audience erupts–but not the way party officials expect.
“He’s the reason we have all these damn civil rights laws.”
“He destroyed states’ rights!”
To head off a riot, the scientists rush the startled Lincoln-clone off the stage.
Then they introduce their next resurrected candidate: Theodore Roosevelt: warrior, Nobel Prize winner and trust-busting conservationist.
Again, the test-audience goes wild:
“He’s the guy who broke up the big corporations–lousy Commie!”
Once again, there is a near-riot as startled Republican officials hustle Roosevelt out of the building.
Finally, they bring out their third choice for victory: A cloned Ronald Reagan.
“Not him! He legalized abortion in California when he was Governor!”
“Yeah, and his first wife, Jane Wyman, divorced him. We can’t have a divorced guy in the White House!”
Desperate, Republican leaders go into a huddle.
“What are we going to do?” asks one. ”Lincoln, Roosevelt and Reagan were our most popular Presidents.”
“Yeah, but that was in the PAST,” says another. “We need a candidate who speaks to our base TODAY.”
“Hey, I’ve got an idea, but it’s a bit radical. The guy I have in mind wasn’t actually born in the United States.”
“That would violate the Constitution.”
“You know what our friends in the oil industry say: Why spoil the beauty of the thing with legality?”
So the Republicans once again call in the scientists and tell them to go back to work one last time.
When the last resurrected candidate is presented to the test-audience, the crowd rises as one, shouting: “That’s him! That’s him!”
“The one we’ve been waiting for!”
“The one who REALLY speaks for us!”
“He’s totally anti-abortion and he REALLY hates uppity women!”
“Yeah–he hates Commies, gays and non-whites, and he REALLY believes in a STRONG military!”
“All right, all right, I’ll do it,” says the clone-candidate. ”But the last time I tried to lead people to greatness, they proved unworthy of me.
“So I’ll do it again–but only under VON condition!”
“Yes, yes!” screams the test-audience. “Anything you want! What is it?”
….no more Mister Nice Guy!”