2012 Republican National Convention Schedule
(August 27 – 30, 2012)
8:00 A.M. Opening with singing of “The Horst Wessel Lied.” Click here: Horst Wessel Lied – YouTube
8:15 A.M. Premiering of the newly-revised American flag, replacing the 50 stars with dollar signs.
8:20 A.M. Introduction of “New and Improved” Pledge of Allegiance and its proclaiming by the assembled convention:
I pledge allegiance to the Fuehrer of the United States of America and to the Republican Party for which he stands, One Version of Truth, under Money, with Equity and Privileges for some.
8:30 A.M. America’s richest corporate executives salute “Man of the Plutocrats”–Mitt Romney.
9:00 A.M. Official Republican anthem, “My Wallet, First and Always,” sung by Donald Trump.
9:30 A.M. Newt Gingrich speaks on “Family Values: An Innovative Approach.”
10:00 A.M. A video salute to Facebok’s Eduardo Saverin, who “De-Friended” America to avoid a 15% capital gains tax.
10:30 A.M. Bristol Palin lectures on “Why Only the Rich Need Medical Care.”
11: 00 A.M. Levi Johnson answers your auestions on “Birth Control Tips for Family Values Republicans.”
11:30 A.M. Showcasing of ”The Obama Presidential Library”–a bullet-riddled outhouse actually displayed during the Montana Republican Party’s state convention on June 16-17. Click here: Montana Republican Convention: GOP Showcases Bullet-Ridden ‘Obama’ Outhouse
NOON Mitt Romney speaks on “Tax Dodging for Rich Patriots,” with special emphasis on Swiss bank accounts and off-shore havens in the Cayman Islands.
SPECIAL NOTICE: Lunch-hour only sale at RNC Souvenir Shop–half-price discount on Mein Kampf and Rush Limbaugh’s latest book.
1:00 P.M. Donald Rumsfeld explains why killing Osama bin Laden was a national security priority–until President Obama pulled it off.
2:00 P.M. George W. Bush speaks on “Start Your Own War With Creative Fibbing.”
2:30 P.M. Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Dan Quayle and Donald Trump–draft-dodgers all–salute “The Heroic American Veteran.”
3:00 P.M. Dick Cheney offers advice on child rearing: “Bring the Waterboarding Home.”
3:30 P.M. Herman Cain lectures on “You Can Make It With a White Girl (So Long As She Wants a Job”).
4:00 P.M. Rush Limbaugh lectures on why the United States actually lost World War II–by siding with Great Britain against Nazi Germany.
5:00 P.M. Sarah Palin narrates the documentary “Creation Theory: The Real Truth Behind ‘The Flintstones.’”
6:00 P.M. NRA Director Wayne LaPierre celebrates “Great American Assassins,” featuring a special tribute to Lee Harvey Oswald: “See what one motivated gun-owner can do for his country.”
Lee Harvey Oswald
7:00 P.M. Donald Trump speaks on “Don’t Let the Truth Get in the Way of a Winning Lie.”
8:00 P.M. The Koch brothers and the CEOs of Bank of America, J.P. Morgan/Chase and Wells Fargo Bank sing, “We Own the World.”
8:15 P.M. Paul Ryan, Romney’s choice for deputy Fuehrer, speaks on “How to Gut Social Security–and Unload Your Crazy Aunt.”
9:00 P.M. Official anointing of Mitt Romney as the Republican candidate for Fuehrer. All present swear an oath of undying loyalty to him. All those watching on TV must do the same–or else.
10:00 P.M. Sarah Palin leads closing song, “Horst Wessel Lied” reprise.